They say that writing is therapeutic. So let me start that now. I have been writing about a lot of things. But maybe I have never written about the things that I'd rather forget. Lets just say that at this point I am thinking of what to do about my marriage.
My Mom used to tell me, "don't be in love with love." I have always been a hopeless romantic. I thought ours was a match made in heaven. Sadly, it was not even close. But I was never ready to accept that. Always in denial. Always kept a strong front. But truth be told, you have hurt me more than the bruises that can be seen by the eye.
I have always believed in the innate goodness in each person. I was positive that you will change. That the years will mellow you down. I was so wrong. Because even if you are a million miles away, you still can manage to break me, hurt me and treat me like crap.
I thought "sorry", time and space can heal all wounds. Boy was I wrong again. Maybe you can't punch me or kick me like you used to, but you have a way with words. Still the same abusive nature. Leaving me broken and as good as dead.
I know that I love you, but now I don't even know what that means anymore. Because everytime I remember the hurtful words and the way you would ignore me for weeks, I would wonder how could someone who loves you treat you like that. I know I did my best to work this marriage out. But now, I am not sure anymore. I am seriously thinking of ending my suffering now.
But didn't we promise forever? With us broken like this, what is forever for?
{ mood } depressed
Written by Misis-X at 11:30 PM.
i've been leading a straight life for quite some time now. got sick of unrequited love, appreciation and attention from people. it has been a series of hits and misses. but at the end of the day, it is only a lose-lose situation. so, got myself busy with work and motherly duties. so far so good.
somehow, it takes a while to learn to detach myself from these people whom you think would care about you. i can be really stubborn most times. making excuses for their insensitivity and sometimes downright rude behavior towards me. who would ever think that positive feelings shown towards another person will always be accepted and treasured. wrong!
zero value - painful realization but that's the truth. you do not mean anything to them. you are just another toy. a mean-time girl. that's about it, nothing more, nothing less. was it because you are unlovable? no, it was because someone else means more to them than you do. ouch!
anyway, that said, i guess i am leading a better life right now. enough is enough. i need to learn to love myself more. and i am doing that already. well, at times when you reminisce there is this nagging ache inside you that wouldn't get away. but you are confident that time heals all wounds. this ache is only temporary to remind you to stay away and appreciate what you have right now.
i am human, i make mistakes, i sin, i love others more than i love myself, and everyday i am praying that He guides me to the right path, for me also to make the right choices and be strong enough to avoid sin. it is going to be a difficult struggle, something that i have to work on everyday. i am a work in progress.
{ mood } thoughtful
Written by Misis-X at 11:29 AM.
"Hindi ako OK Lolo, yung mahal ko may mahal na iba." -Labanos Ayun oh, OUCH!!!
{ mood } sleepy
Written by Misis-X at 09:02 PM.
Can the child within my heart rise above...can i sail through the changing ocean tides...can i handle the seasons of my life?
Written by Misis-X at 07:39 PM.
“@TheNoteboook: Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.”
{ mood } jealous
Written by Misis-X at 12:24 PM.